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Editors Note:
I have divided this blog post into two parts to ensure a better reading experience. In the first part, I will delve into the journey of how this profound experience came to be and the meticulous preparation that surrounded it. In the second part, I will shift the focus to the ceremony itself, sharing the impactful messages I received and my personal interpretations of them.
Embracing the Arrival: A Tapestry of Emotions
As the morning light filtered through the curtains, a myriad of emotions surged within me, with nervousness and excitement leading the charge. It was a peculiar day, where time seemed to alternate between standing still and racing ahead. Determined to stay present, I devoted myself to moments of meditation, seeking solace amidst the swirling anticipation. Though the restlessness threatened to disrupt my composure, I persevered. Finally, the long-awaited moment had arrived. Gathering my essentials—a sleeping bag and extra layers of clothing for the possibility of chilly nights—I set out on the journey towards the designated space.
Walking into the expansive gathering, I was greeted by a bustling crowd of approximately 35 individuals. Some faces appeared familiar, as if they shared a bond forged in previous ceremonies. The atmosphere exuded a warmth and acceptance that permeated my being. Amid the backdrop of conversation, I discovered a small space that intuitively felt like my own. I meticulously prepared my sleeping area, establishing a personal retreat. Overcome with a compelling need to center myself, I sat down and surrendered to the moment. Following my inner guidance, I initiated a calming sequence of deep breaths, finding peace in each inhalation and exhalation.
With every breath, a deep connection unfolded within, aligning my heartbeat with a tranquil rhythm. Stress dissolved, giving way to a sweeping peace that cradled my whole essence. In that instant, all initial apprehension vanished, supplanted by a solid feeling of preparedness. The moment for the medicine arrived, and I welcomed it with an open heart.
The Commencement: Embracing the Sacred Ritual
At long last, the momentous occasion had arrived. The facilitator gracefully stepped forward, her presence commanding the room as she imparted invaluable insights and guidance for navigating the upcoming journey. In her wise counsel, she emphasized the profound significance of the breath—a cornerstone of this transformative experience. As her words resonated deeply within us, she passed around a shell, containing the essence of tobacco, sage, and palo santo, inviting each of us to partake in a ceremonial act of smudging and intention-setting.
Public speaking, in that very instant, felt daunting to me, stirring a flicker of unease. Yet, as the shell made its way around the sacred space, accompanied by heartfelt shares from fellow participants, a profound sense of connection began to weave its delicate threads. Their stories echoed aspects of my own journey, bringing to light our collective quest for personal evolution. Conscious of my initial reservations, I kept my share concise, allowing vulnerability to find its place in due time.
The shell continued its voyage, traversing the room until it was tenderly received by the facilitator. In a moment of unity, she artfully expressed her own intentions, bridging the realms of the spiritual and the personal. With reverence, she invited us to call upon the directions, invoking their protective energy to safeguard the space. In a future post, I will delve further into the significance of this ancient practice.
Embracing the Sacred Offering
With the space fully protected and cleansed, our hearts filled with anticipation as we were called forward to partake in the medicine. As I approached, the vessel containing the medicine was presented to me, and I eagerly consumed it in one swift motion, pleasantly surprised by its earthy, sweet, and indulgent flavor. Contrary to the preconceived notion of an unpleasant taste, I found myself appreciating the intricate nuances of the medicine. It later dawned on me that the perceived unpleasantness often arises from the accompanying transformative process rather than the taste itself. Returning to my designated space, I settled down and focused on my breath, preparing myself for the profound journey ahead.
In the realm of Surrender: Merging with the Medicine’s Essence
In an inexplicable yet profound manner, I could feel the energetic presence of the medicine coursing through my being. It seemed as though it was intimately exploring and scanning every aspect of my being. Undeterred, I remained seated, breathing deeply, and surrendering to the experience. Gradually, the medicine began to settle within me, instilling a state of supreme relaxation that surpassed any level of tranquility I had previously encountered. I surrendered further into this profound relaxation, and as I did, my senses were graced with mesmerizing visualizations. Fractals danced before my eyes, accompanied by subtle yet vibrant colors, drawing me deeper into the realm of the medicine’s wisdom.
A Test of Perception: Unveiling Spirit Guides
Suddenly, my inner landscape transformed as three indigenous figures emerged, adorned in tribal paint, evoking a sense of ancient wisdom. Curiously, I observed their presence, captivated by the experience. Their form dissolved shortly after, making way for another trio of beings whose appearance initially startled me. Their appearance bore resemblance to mythical creatures, seemingly demonic in nature. Surprisingly, I felt no fear; instead, a smile graced my lips and laughter bubbled forth. In response, the beings playfully gestured, as if pulling back a mask to reveal their true essence. To my amazement, they were none other than my original three indigenous guides. It became clear that their intention was to test my courage, to provoke an authentic response and invite me into the depths of my own process.
In retrospect, I now recognize these ethereal beings as spirit guides, carefully orchestrating the journey and unveiling hidden truths. Though their initial guise may have appeared unsettling, their purpose was rooted in guiding and supporting me throughout this extraordinary experience. Reflecting on this unexpected encounter, I couldn’t help but chuckle at their mischievous way of challenging and ushering me further along the transformative path.
Journeying into the Depths: Immersed in Raw Emotion
As I delved deeper into the labyrinth of my inner world, the nature of the experience underwent a profound transformation, unveiling a realm of pure emotion. In its rawest form, I encountered an unparalleled sense of joy, a happiness that transcended any previous encounters. Thoughts of my beloved family flooded my consciousness, igniting a love so overwhelming yet exquisitely comforting. In that moment, I marveled at the revelation of what true, pure love truly felt like. It was an experience of bliss and euphoria, immersing me in emotions that surpassed any I had ever known. The medicine had granted me access to explore the depths of my emotions, priming me for what awaited with the second dose, a revelation yet to come.
Beyond the Bounds of Language: A Journey into the Unfathomable
Attempting to make sense of this extraordinary encounter, my mind sought to compare it with previous experiences with psychedelics. Yet, it became evident that this journey was in a realm of its own, defying conventional comparisons. Our limited vocabulary fell short in capturing the essence of an experience that transcended our ordinary realm of awareness. Words seemed inadequate, unable to fully encapsulate the profound dimensions of this transcendent encounter.
Intermission and Reflection: Sharing Fragments of our Sojourn
Halftime arrived, marked by the illumination of lights and a momentary pause in the unfolding journey. The sacred shell made its rounds once again, offering us an opportunity to share fragments of our individual experiences.
Illuminated by Collective Healing: Embracing Vulnerability
As the ceremony unfolded, I found myself deeply resonating with the notion of healing as a communal endeavor. Each person’s raw and vulnerable sharing ignited a profound sense of openness within me. It struck me that despite our diverse experiences and individual paths, there was a common thread weaving through our stories. I felt a deep connection with almost everyone’s narrative, and some accounts moved me to tears. It became evident that while love serves as a universal bond, our shared suffering further unites us. The empathy that permeated the space defied description, revealing that we are all intertwined in this journey, fighting our own battles and weathering heartbreak. Witnessing and embracing this compassion became an extraordinary testament to our inherent human capacity.
The power of communal healing became evident as it dismantled the walls I had built around myself. Through this profound connection, I initiated a transformative process of embracing vulnerability and allowing myself to open up. In the embrace of the community, I discovered a profound healing for my very being.
Transcending Time and Embracing Change: A Profound Journey
As halftime arrived, a state of bliss enveloped my being, filling me with profound peace. Despite the optional nature of the second dose, there was an undeniable certainty within me that I would partake in this experience. Within a matter of minutes, the effects of the second dose surged through my system, facilitated by the already activated medicine from the initial dose. This rapid integration served as a powerful catalyst, breaking through the barriers of physical reality.
At first, time lost all meaning, disorienting my perception. I found myself transported back to a potent memory of a conversation with a friend I had made in Mexico, centered around the crucial need for change in our world. Yet, this dialogue transcended temporal constraints, unfolding in the present moment and stretching into the future. Confusion and nervousness initially gripped me, as fear of the unknown is a natural response. However, I swiftly recalled the advice to focus on my breath, anchoring myself in the present moment. This simple practice proved immensely calming.
In that dimension where time ceased to be linear, a profound message unfolded before me—a message of positive change for the world. While delving deeper into the intricacies of nonlinear time perception is a vast topic in itself, I wish to emphasize the essence of the revelation: a call to embrace transformative shifts for the betterment of humanity.
The Union of Dimensions: A Journey of Profound Connection
Attempting to articulate the depth of these experiences is a challenge, as our vocabulary often falls short when describing such transcendent moments. As stillness enveloped everything, my consciousness remained aware of my physical presence in the cabin while simultaneously being transported to another dimension. Vibrant colors and the environment became palpable, as if I were physically immersed in that alternate realm. An awe-inspiring vision unfolded before me: my DNA strand on the left converging with the medicine’s DNA strand on the right, intertwining in a harmonious symbiosis. Upon their complete fusion, an exhilarating sensation ensued, akin to the warp tunnel journey depicted in the movie Avatar. As I emerged at the end, I experienced a profound sense of unity with everything.
In this expanded state of consciousness, the medicine guided me through various scenes of interconnected existence. I became the tall grass swaying in an open plain, caressed by the wind. Then, I transformed into the sand on a beach, embraced by the ocean’s rhythmic waves, while simultaneously embodying the water within those waves. Finally, I ascended to the heavens, becoming the stars that adorned the sky. Such a breathtaking encounter left me breathless, overwhelmed by the sheer beauty, profound emotions, and overwhelming love.
Integrating Collective Pain: Unveiling Mother’s Suffering
However, as the cycle of yin and yang dictates, the experience swiftly shifted. I was presented with distressing visions of pollution, war, and the systemic oppression plaguing our planet today. A tidal wave of sadness and anger washed over me, and tears poured forth like never before. Yet, the medicine wasn’t finished. She delved even deeper, integrating my mother into the experience, revealing the immense suffering she had endured in her marriage. Memories resurfaced, some beyond the reaches of my own recollection, from a time before my birth and in my early years. The weight of this collective pain intensified, compounded by the anguish of witnessing my mother’s struggles.
Anger began to surface, directed initially towards my father. Yet, the medicine intervened, gently questioning the purpose and healing potential of that anger. She reminded me that anger, in this moment, would not serve me. It became clear that we are all human, including our parents, shaped by their own traumas and conditioned perceptions of how life should unfold. Releasing the anger, I surrendered to tears and begged for forgiveness—for my own contributions, for the ignorance that plagues our civilization. The medicine embraced me, cradling me like a loving mother soothing her child, providing solace in her arms.
